Learning to Breathe
by Chibiyu
Summary: Everything in my world just fell apart. But I had to find the glue to hold it back together for my daughter. Death loved my husband more than I did. But why Joe? Why did you leave me? -Full Inside- -written for a Kirsty-


**Chibiyu: **_This one shot is for _**GlitterSparkleBaby **_who asked me to write this on the Hyperboards of Jonas Fanfiction She was kind enough to let me post this on here. I don't normally write this kind of stuff, so to please people who like romance and heart break...here you go. _

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**_Learning to Breathe_**

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_Summary:_

_Everything in my world just fell apart. But I had to find the glue to hold it back together for my daughter. But it was so hard. I felt like I couldn't breathe. I just became a single mother because death loved my husband more than I did. Bur why Joe? Why did you leave me?_

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_I smiled at him and he smiled at me as I took in his perfection. His long dark hair, his deep brown eyes, his angelic voice when he told me that he loved me…everything about him was perfect. And he was mine. His eyes traveled from my own, to my nose, to my lips, and he smiled, laughing at something unknown. _

"What is it baby?" _I questioned, putting my hand on his knee as his eyes returned to the road. _

"I'm just thinking about how stupid your last boyfriend was for letting you go." _He told me, fingering the ring on my left hand. _"And how lucky I am that I found you." _I gazed fondly at my husband, so content with everything about our life. We had the cutest little white house with a picket fence and a rose garden. We were extremely close to both of our families. And we had he most perfect daughter in the world, Mary Sandy. _

_Joe always did want a daughter named Mary and we both adored his mom, in fact, she was the one that pushed us together. So what higher thanks and honor could we give then to name our first born after her?_

"I can't wait to get home and to see our baby." _Joe whispered and I agreed. The vacation was amazing, but I missed the way our angel whispered goodnight and how her face lit up every time she saw one of us. _"She will be so happy to see us." _He laughed, already imagining Mary running over to us; sleep in her eyes, as she threw herself into our open arms. _

"She will run out of bed when she hears us open the front door…" _I started, knowing Joe will fill in more. _

"She will tear down the hall, her overly long tee shirt almost tripping her."

"She will scream out "Mommy! Daddy!" And we will both kneel down and open our arms_." I smiled at him as he laughed again. _

"And then she will hug us so tightly even the strongest person wouldn't be able to pull us apart."

"And all the while, we will be whispering 'I love you.'" _I finished and Joe nodded, still smiling. _"And then we will put her back to bed only to wake up with her next to us." _I laughed as I finished. Our daughter was amazing and so loving. She hated us being away and it always ended the same way. But that never made it any less special. _

"I can't wait to get home." _My love sighed out and I nodded, playing with a lock of his hair. He turned and looked down at me. _"I love you Kirsty."

"I love you too Joe." _He looked back to the road, one hand on the wheel, the other running through my long black hair. I was so lucky to have him. He gently pulled his hand loose from my strands of silk and grabbed my hand, placing it on his knee. I was so in love with him. He had no idea how much my heart called his name. How happy I was to have him. I don't know what I would do if anything ever happ-_

HONK!

_We both jumped, Joe gripping the wheel tighter as two headlights approached us at a nigh impossible speed. But how? We were one a one way street and going the right way! _

HONK!

_"_Hang on Kirsty!" _Joe yelled but we both knew it was no use. There was a cliff to our right and a rock face to our left. All we could do now was pray. And then the headlights were right in front of us and the sickening sound of metal reached my ears-_

"Mommy!" I bolted up in bed, instantly feeling the cold sweat drip down my back and the dried tears crack on my cheeks. "Are you ok Mommy?" My precious angel's voice asked, as she stopped bouncing on the bed and plopped down next to me. I drew the five year old close. "It was about Daddy, wasn't it?" She always knew. It was a year ago and I needed to let go, but I couldn't. These nightmares kept plaguing my dreams and making sleep, making love, such a distant memory.

"Yes honey. It was about Daddy." I couldn't lie to her. She always knew. She knew that I was hurting still and she knew better than to try and tell me to move on. For some reason, I just couldn't. It was so hard. Joe took my heart the night that he died and even to this day, he held it in his hand in Heaven. And I wanted it back. I wanted him back. But he was too far out of my reach, too high above my head. The only way I could see him again was in death, but I couldn't do that to myself, to Mary. She needed a mother, and even though I was a poor one, I was all she had left.

No, that isn't true. We both still had Sandy, Nicholas, Kevin, my mom and my dad, but it was never the same. They didn't blame me and they were all still very close to us, always willing to help. But they weren't him. They weren't the father Mary needed and the husband I loved and craved. They weren't Joe.

"Mommy, I woke you up because Nick wants you out of bed." Mary told me, and I smiled down at her. She was too young to see it was fake. I pushed a lock of her dark hair from her forehead and took in the beauty of Joe's eyes on our daughters face. At least, even though she was my little twin, she had one feature of her Daddy and his skin tone.

I slowly got out of bed and looked around the room, admiring the same view of the picket fence and rose garden. Even though Joe was gone, I couldn't leave this house. It was _our _dream house. It had everything we both ever wanted. I just couldn't see it sold. So instead of moving in with the Lucas side, or back with my parents, I stayed. So they compromised. One of them always came over to check on things and today, I guessed it was Nick. It was sweet of them but…

"Morning Kirsty." Nick greeted, smiling over at my bed head and I rolled my eyes and stuck my tongue out at him. "No, 8 am isn't _that _early." He joked, bending down to pick up Mary.

"Nick-" I started, like I had every day of the past year but he cut me off, a sad smile on his face.

"Kirs, we are here every day, not because you need us, but because we want to be here. You aren't a burden to us. We love you." How are you supposed to respond to that? "Oh and Kevin and I are taking you around town today. We both think its time." Time for what?

"Who is taking care of Mary?" I figured this wouldn't be a thing for a little kid.

"Your mom." He smiled at me, actually using teeth. "It's all figured out. Trust us." Who else could I trust with Mary? That's right, no one. I nodded, still feeling reluctant. After Joe passed, I never let her out of my sight for more than an hour or so. I just couldn't lose her either. "Well make breakfast and get showered. You have a long day ahead."

"What?" I exasperated, looking at him like he was an alien with four heads. "You've been here long enough to get Mary ready and you couldn't have made food?"

Nick laughed and shrugged. "Pardon me. I didn't know you wanted your house to be burnt down." Now it was my turn to laugh.

"Fires can't start with cereal and milk Nick." I joked and Nick rolled his eyes but shook his head.

"With me they could." Touché. Nick _was _a terrible cook. I wonder why I even let him in my kitchen. I shook my head as he picked up my daughter and ran with her into the next room. Nick was such a dork. I finished my breakfast quickly and got ready as fast as I could. But what did Nick expect me to wear?

"Wear something comfortable but public worthy!" Nick shouted up the stairs, being a mind reader as usual. Honestly, _how _was he related to Joe and Kevin? They were so different that it astounded me. But I loved them all. Actually, now that I think about it, it was amazing I could still look at them after…the accident. They all shared so may of the same physical qualities even though their personalities were vastly different. But every time I looked at them, I saw Joe's traits before I saw their own unique ones. Sometimes, it took all my willpower to not break down. I missed Joe so much. Why did he have to die? Why did he have to leave me and his daughter all alone? I thought he loved us. I thought he loved me.

I shook my head, trying to rid myself of those foul thoughts. I knew Joe loved us more than anything and he proved it that night. Be had thrown himself over me, to cover me from the impact, and that act of love took his life. He loved us until the very end and I bet he still loved us in Heaven. But I couldn't see the love, feel it, or hear it. There was empty nothingness in my heart.

Once again, I shook my head and busied myself with getting dressed. I pulled out Joe's favorite outfit, one me, not him, and smiled. It was both comfortable and cute. Just as Nick ordered. I pulled on the short shorts and looped the brown belt with large gold buckle around them, turning the belt so the buckle was resting my left hip. I pulled on a green tank top and over it I put on my pink and green flower tank. Next, my tall boots and my brown bag. There.

I tried playing with my untamable hair, but I soon found it was worthless so I pulled it into a messy bun. I fingered my watch and pulled on Joe's old bracelet before I deemed myself presentable. I heard the front door bell ring and I ran downstairs to greet whoever Nick let in. It was Kevin and my mom. I scooped up my little girl, absentmindedly fixing her long green shirt before kissing her goodbye.

"Take care of her." I told my mother sternly. She only laughed and took Mary's hand, leading out side and into her car.

"Nice choice in clothes." Kevin told me, smiling at something I didn't know. "Joe loved that outfit." I nodded, I knew that.

"Oh ,the irony." Nick muttered, obviously trying to not roll his eyes and chuckle.

I chose to ignore him. Instead I just stepped into the hug Kevin offered. I needed a hug, but not this hug. "Hey Kevin." I greeted, trying to bring an ounce of warmth into my voice. But it was hard. Now that my daughter was gone, so was my mask of happiness. Now that Mary was gone, I could allow myself to feel the ache from my broken heart and I could show it in my face and demonstrate it in my voice and body language. I didn't want to break down, but I had too. I just missed him so much. No, I won't break down in front of the brother's though. They don't need to see me like that.

"Hey Kirst." They all had different nicknames for me. It could get confusing, but this way I _always _knew who was talking to me. Nick called me Kirs, Kevin called me Kirst, my mom was always Key, my dad was K-girl, Sandy was Kirsty, and Tom was Ms. K. I didn't get it. But whatever made them happy. "You tell her anything?" Kevin asked, the question directed toward his brother, who shook his head. "Excellent."

They both smiled at me and I suddenly felt very uncomfortable. But the moment passed as the ushered me out the door and into Nick's car. Apparently Kevin had ridden over with my mom. Nick held out a blind fold and winked before tying it around my head.

"What are you doing?" I screamed as I felt Nick putting on my belt buckle. "Take this off of me!" I reached dup, trying to undo the knot, but Nick's hands grasped mine.

"Trust us Kirs." He whispered as Kevin started the car. "You know we wouldn't hurt you or let anything bad happen to you." He soothed but I felt far from comforted. I _hated _not being able to see and they both knew that. They both knew that every blink was a crisis for me. They both knew that after the crash, after Joe died, I hadn't been able to see for a week. That the glass in my eyes and then the surgery had taken my sight away from me. They both _knew _that I was freaking out right now.

"Let me see!" I yelled and I felt Nick sighed and crawl into the back seat with me, his hands never letting go of mine.

"Kirs, calm down." He tried but I couldn't. Memories and emotions, especially these kind, don't fade. They should have know that this would _kill _me. It was torture not being able to see at my husbands funeral. Torture that I couldn't get a final glimpse of his face. Torture that I had no idea about what was going on around me. And they knew that. "I'm sorry Kirs, but we only have one more minute. Hang in there." Nick informed me.

I guess one minute was better than that week. I focused solely on trying to calm my breathing, knowing Nick and Kevin didn't need me to go into total freak out mode. I focused on the warmth of Nick's hands, which I drew some comfort from and when I felt the car stop, I nearly screamed in relief. Nick undid my seat belt and Kevin opened my door as Nick climbed out next to me. They each took my hands and led me a few feet forward before stopping.

"Ready to see where we are Kirst?" Kevin asked and I nodded fervently, not exactly trusting my voice right now. "Ok." I felt one of them undoing the blindfold and I reached up and ripped it off my face, blinking a few times to adjust to the searing light of the morning sun. And then it hit me where we were, where I was standing. I tried to back step, but I ran into Kevin, Nick being next to me. He grabbed my hand gently, more in a comforting way than anything else and I buried myself in his arms. He seemed taken aback by the action, not used to physical contact, but hugged me back all the same.

"Why did you bring me here?" I whispered and Nick turned me around so I was looking at the little park and directly at the giant oak. They didn't answer. Nick led me to the tree, me trying to fight him with every step, but I just didn't have the strength to best him. I felt him left my hand as I clenched my eyes closed. He rested my hand against the rough bark of the tree, and I finally felt myself shaking. "W-why am I h-here?" I forced out, trying to keep myself composed. Again, they didn't answer. I had to figure this out on my own.

"What happened here Kirs?" Nick whispered and I heard Kevin walk over and put his hand on my shoulder.

I took a rather shaky breath and I forced my eyes open. I looked at the tree and moved away from Nick. I positioned myself the exact same way I was in eight years ago, when I first saw him. My left hand on the bark, my right hand fiddling absentmindedly with my hair and my posture straight but uncaring. I had had a fight with my mom and I came here to just get away and think. That was when I saw him, playing football with two boys that looked extraordinarily like him, on the hill right in front of this tree. I watched the boy with straight hair, catch the ball and trip, tumbling down the hill and finally coming to a rest at my feet. I remembered laughing so hard that I was on my knees, him joining in instantly. I remember the first time I looked in his eyes. And I remembered _knowing_ that if I couldn't look into those little pieces of heaven every day, my life would be worthless.

"What happened here Kirst?" Kevin repeated Nick's question and I swallowed, trying to rid myself of the hard lump in my throat.

"I first met you guys and J-Joe here." I whispered, his name coming off as a sob on my tongue. But I didn't let any tears fall. Not yet. I watched them nod and give me a minute more to take in the landscape I refused to see after the accident. I told myself I would never see this place again. I told myself that it would hurt too much. And I was right. It killed me. But I knew that I was done dying. I knew Nick and Kevin wouldn't only show me one place. But where to now?

I walked willingly back into the car, feeling a little numb from all the emotions I was holding in. I refused to let them take control of me after all this time. I can hold it all in for the rest of my life and I plan to. I need to break down. Joe wouldn't want me to break down. I let Nick pull the blind fold back on me as he sat next to me, his hand on my shoulder the entire silent drive. My thoughts raced and my emotions were out of control, but I looked composed even though I was a wreck. Why did Nick and Kevin hate me? They knew taking me there would kill me and it looked like they didn't plan to stop anytime soon. Did they want me to break down? Did they want me to lose myself to the sorrow? Did they want me to be weak?

"We're here." Kevin announced and once again, I was led out of the car. But this time, my heart screamed for my eyes to remain closed. I didn't want to see where we were. I didn't want to feel my heart break again and again. I didn't want to remember that he was gone forever. I was better off just pushing it all away and forgetting. Wasn't I? I stumbled, their hands instantly steadying me as the ground suddenly became uneven. Where were we?

One of them undid the blindfold and I hesitantly opened my eyes, immediately wishing I hadn't. We were on a beach, the ocean calm and it being oddly quiet so early in the morning. The only sound was the calming whisper of the oceans song as it kissed the sandy shores.

"And what happened here Kirst?" Kevin again asked but I refused to answer at first. I walked away from them, aware they were following but I didn't care. I walked over to the shoreline, not close enough to feel the waves, but close enough to smell the same thing I did all those years ago. Except back then, the wind had a spicy tinge mixed with the salt. It had smelled like Joe. "Kirst?" Kevin pressed and I sighed, biting my lip, hard, to stop the onslaught of tears.

"Our first date." I whispered, but that wasn't good enough for them.

"Who's first date?" Nick pressed and I lifted my hand and covered it with my mouth as I saw Joe and I splashing each over in the waves, laughing as he tripped completely soaked himself. But he pulled me down next to him and I had to explain to my mom how I ruined my dress.

"Joe and mine." I responded in a quiet voice. That was the answer they wanted. They both remained silent; giving me a minute, exactly like before, to remember the lost day. To remember the day when I learned what love felt like. The surf reached out its wet fingers a little further and I stepped back, not wanting to run my boots. Before the accident, I would be able to wear sandals and run along the surf. But back then, he would be with me, tripping and running with me. We would have stopped and picked a seashell to bring home. Or just to remember the day. In fact, I still had the sand dollar Joe had found for me on my first date. But I couldn't look at it anymore.

"Get me out of here." I begged and to my surprise, they complied. I wordlessly got into the car and put the blindfold on myself, hoping to lose myself to the darkness and not to the feelings my aching heart kept churning and spitting up. I knew where we were going next. And I didn't want to. I didn't want to remember anymore. I wasn't ready to face this all. I wasn't ready to move on. I didn't _want _to move on. Joe was the only one for me. I couldn't betray him. But all to soon, the car stopped and again, I was le out the car and up the steps I knew well.

"Don't make me see this." I whispered, pleading but they didn't comply with my wish. The blindfold came off and I kept my eyes closed. I felt Nick's hand on mine and Kevin's go to my shoulder.

"Come on Kirs." He whispered, his voice, his tone, was enough to make me open my eyes. And almost instantly, the dam I had so desperately built, broke and my eyes flooded over with tears. They burned my cheeks as they cascaded down, and I couldn't stop them. I was starring at the steps of my family's old house. I was starring at the exact spot where-

"And here Kirs?" Nick asked gently and I swallowed down a sob.

"Where Joe and I first kissed." I whispered, my voice shaking but I was able to form words. But as I thought back to the perfect feeling of his lips, so soft and gentle against mine, everything I had worked to hold back, burst forward. I felt Kevin hug me, Nick being content with keeping a firm hold on my hand. Everything about that night, our first date, our first kiss, had been nothing short of perfection. I remembered him blushing in embarrassment because he didn't want to push me. But in the end, we did kiss. In the end, we both fell for each other.

"Please don't make me see more." I begged them, but again I was ignored as they led me back to the car.

"We can't stop now Kirs. We love you and you need to heal." Nick whispered as he settled next to me.

"We hate seeing you in pain and you are ready to heal. We believe in you baby sister." Kevin consoled from the front seat and I nodded, still feeling miserable. But when he drove for a grand total of thirty seconds and pulled over again, lost it as soon as I saw where we were.

"Why do you hate me?" I screamed at them, fumbling to undo my seatbelt and to get far away from them. "Why are you bringing me to these places?" I yelled, Nick's hands finding mine and stopping their actions. "Why are you reminding me that he's dead?" I ignored the renewed burst of tears and how I sounded like a five year old having a temper tantrum. I didn't care! They had no right to remind me of what I could never forget. They had no idea how much this was hurting me. They had no right to kill me and make me break. Joe would hate them for this. I knew he would.

I stopped struggling against Nick's iron tight hold and I relaxed, allowing him to hug me again.

"I still hate you." I mumbled into his shirt and I felt Kevin run his finger through my hair.

"That's ok. We hate us too." Then why were they doing this? What lesson were they trying to teach me? Why did they insist on torturing me? Nick undid my seat belt and his. I waited for him to open the door before I stepped out of the car and crossed my arms, refusing to go any further. We were standing in a small garden that my mom and Sandy helped plant. All three of us were starring at the fountain, but only one of us new what happened that night, seven years ago. Only one of us was there.

I watched Joe walk over to me and sit next to me by the fountain. I watched him smile at me and me smile back. I watched his lips moving, him telling me that he knew it was happening quickly, but he loved me and he knew we were meant for each other. And I heard myself agree. I watched him slid down form the fountain and take my hand. I watched him pull out a small velvet box and I watched tears spill down my cheeks. I watched hi ask me to marry him. I watched myself lunge into is arms, whispering yes about a million times before he slid the ring on my finger.

I blinked and almost cried out when I saw Joe and I weren't sitting on the ground in front of the fountain, happily hugging and kissing. I cried harder when I remembered that that day was gone. That I would never see Joe again and we would never again spend our anniversary night sitting on this fountain, reminiscing about the good time. And talking about the great times ahead of us. We had both been wrong about that. There were no 'great times' ahead of us. For him there was death and for me, there was heart break. I didn't even notice Nick had led me back into the car until Kevin started it.

"I'm sorry Kirst, but we still have three more stops." What? They _did _want me dead…

Kevin drove off without another word, Nick wordlessly tossing the blindfold away and allowing me to lean on him, still glaring through my never ending tears. As much as I hated them, I still missed Joe more. Everything I saw and did still seemed to revolve around him. I knew it wasn't healthy for me to stay like this, but I was powerless to move on. Is this what Nick and Kevin where trying to do? Help me move on? If so, they were doing a crappy job of it. But still…it was so hard to keep living. It's not easy to live when your heart has died. And my heart has died with Joe. He still held it, in his decaying hand, many feet under the ground.

As soon as the car stopped, I walked out of it, wanting to get this 'adventure' over with as quickly as I could. But as soon as I saw the little white church on the hill, I stopped, physically unable to go any further.

"Where Joe and I first said 'I Do.'" I whispered through my pain. Everything blurred around me and the white church swam in a mix of fog as tears built up and spilled over again. But this time, the pain shredded my heart to tiny bits. I remembered that day perfectly, everyone crying in pure joy as Joe and I kissed, sealing our fate as husband and wife. "I need to go." I whispered and Kevin led me back into the car. I couldn't see the scenery rushing by as we sped down the highway because all I saw were memories, blurred over the years…or was it just the tears that still clouded my vision?

"Kirs, don't hate us." Nick whispered, actually fear in his voice. Could I ever _truly _hate them? I took off my blindfold as soon as m feet hit the pavement, and this time, I wasn't able to stop the scream that tore form my throat. How could they bring me here? This place was cursed!

"Get me out of here!" I screamed, throwing myself into the car, but Kevin intercepted me. I struggled, needing to get away from this place. Needing to get away from where my love died. But they wouldn't let me. They would just let me get torn apart from the sorrow bursting out of my heart. But I soon lost the will to fight and I succumbed to the feeling. Joe died here. Part of me died here. I can't stay here. It's just too much for me. But I needed to get this over with and crying into Kevin's embrace wasn't going to do that for me.

I slowly lifted my head, flinching when, I minds eye, I saw a brief burst of light was two headlights came towards us, the driver horrible confused, thinking he was one the right one way road. I flinched when I heard the metal and when my own scream reached my ears and I collapsed to the ground when I remembered feeling Joe's heart stop. Kevin was there to catch me and they both held me close.

"We know Kirs, it's hard for us too." Nick's voice, normally so composed, was actually shaking, his eyes glued to the spot where…where it happened. It was so easy to forget that I wasn't the only person that lost someone special. Joe was their brother. Of course this was hard on them as well. He dug into his pocket and pulled out a wrinkled piece of paper. "Read it." He whispered and I nodded, taking the note, needing anything to distract me from the world around us. Needing anything to alleviate the pain, if only for a moment.

_Dear my dearest wife, Kirsty Lucas. _

It was his writing…how?

_I hope you never have to read this letter baby, but I wrote it in case…in case I wasn't there for you, In case I died. I am leaving this note with Nick, because Kevin would lose it and mom would read it. _

_If you do have to read this Kirsty, I want you to know, that even though I am gone, I still love you so much. I am watching you from heaven and I just want you to be able to smile, even though I am not there to share that moment with you. But because I love you, I want you to move on and be able to be happy again. I am content knowing that you will be laughing and crying, loving and hating, in the arms of a stranger, because that means you still have a heart to give, even though I left you. _

_Nick knows, because I told him years ago, that if I do die, I want him to wait one year before he does a little task for me. I want him to take you out to all the places that are special to us. All of our 'firsts.' Our first meeting, first date, first kiss, when I first asked you to marry me, when we first said our 'I Do's,' and where I died. I also asked him to take you somewhere else, but I will keep that a secret because I told him to give this to you to read when you reach the spot where I died. I thought this would make it easier to face the horror that you must be seeing and to overcome the pain I know you are feeling and hiding. _

_I want you to know baby, that it's ok to break down and cry. It's ok to love again. I will be waiting for you, forever and always, even if you take another husband. I will always love you, no matter what you do or who you meet. Remember that Kirsty. Nothing could make me stop loving you. Nothing. _

_If we have a kid after I finish writing this, tell them that daddy loves them and that he is sorry he can't watch them grow up. Please tell our baby that Daddy is watching over them and he loves them so much. _

_I am so proud of you baby. You made it this far and you took me on the most incredible journey with your love. But now it is time for you to start another adventure, without me. I never regretted anything I did with you Kirsty. I love you so much. Please be happy. Please move on. I don't want you to put o a mask of happiness and act like everything is alright. Please Kirsty, do this one last thing for me. Protect yourself. Don't let yourself fall into the sorrow of your heart. Please let it go. Nick, Kevin, Mom, Mom, Dad, and Dad are there for you, please let them in. Please baby, I just want you to smile again. _

_I will always be with you. I will always love you. I am sorry I left you, but remember, baby, this isn't a final goodbye. I'll see you in Heaven. _

_Love always, _

_Joe. _

I silently folded the note and put it in my purse with great care, not even feeling the tears anymore, not even feeling my 'brother's' embraces. Everything was so numb. It was Joe that set this up. It was Joe who wanted to kill me. No…not kill. He wanted me to _move on. _And he knew that if I didn't face everything that _moving on _would never happen. Why did my husband have to be so smart?

He even knew exactly what to say. He loved me still. Those words were enough comfort to make my tears stop, on their own, and to give me the strength I needed to stand. They gave me the confidence to take a deep breathe and to learn how to breathe again, but this time, without him by my side.

"Let's go." I told them, offering my hands to pull the brothers to their feet. They smiled at me, seeing the change instantly. We all piled into the car but then I had an idea. I got back out and stood on the spot where our cars crashed and I reached into my bad and pulled out a piece of Mary's white chalk.

_Joe Lucas, forever loved. (1989-2020)_

I stepped back into the car, smiling softly as I put away the chalk. Though that will fade, the memory and meaning of it will last. Joe loved me and Mary forever, and we loved him back forever. I knew where we were headed even before we pulled through the elegant iron gate. I walked out of the car and didn't need much time at all.

"Thank you Joe." I whispered, kissing my hand and dropping it on the headstone. "Love you forever too." And then I got one last idea. I pulled out my cell phone and dialed my mom, asking her to put my angel on the phone.

"Hi Mommy!" She enthusiastically greeted and I laughed, warmth flooding into my voice for the first time in a year.

"Hey baby." I said, tears forming in my eyes again, but they were different tears. I was so blessed to have my daughter and to have had Joe. I can see that now. "Mary, daddy told me something. He said that he always loves you and is watching over you."

Thank you Joe. I know you are watching us now. I know you are smiling because thanks to you, I can breathe again.

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**Chibiyu: **_Hope you liked it I kind of changed the original plot just a little, so it fit me better as a writer. Bye bye!_

_11 pages and 6,160 words total. :~)_


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